The Index
Cricketers need help too
Self-help books aren't just for dysfunctional old you and me
Deepak Gopalakrishnan
27-Sep-2011
Modern cricket is no joke. All sorts of questions were raised on India's tour of England. With so much strain, even George Carlin would forgive the modern cricketer for resorting to the odd self-help book or two.
On the 1998 tour of India, poor Shane Warne was kept away from his beloved canned beans, which no doubt led to a deterioration in his performances. For him, we recommend Who Moved My Cheese?
A man so prone to injury you'd wonder why they'd let him run anything more than five paces to deliver a cricket ball, Ashish Nehra should pick up The 4-Hour Body, ideally suiting him for the other format. You know, the one all the ninnies play.
Full postLook on the bright side, India
There are always positives to be taken. Even from a tour as dismal as the England one
Alex Bowden
22-Sep-2011
1. It's over
And if there's one thing guaranteed to raise spirits, it's a return one-day series in India, where England normally enjoy themselves about as much as India's Test team just did. Cracks? What cracks? All I can see is this robust-looking paper.
And if there's one thing guaranteed to raise spirits, it's a return one-day series in India, where England normally enjoy themselves about as much as India's Test team just did. Cracks? What cracks? All I can see is this robust-looking paper.
2. Zaheer Khan's stock has risen
A wicket every 40.5 deliveries. Outstanding. Now, if India can get more than 81 deliveries out of him per Test series, they'll be onto a winner.
A wicket every 40.5 deliveries. Outstanding. Now, if India can get more than 81 deliveries out of him per Test series, they'll be onto a winner.
3. Plenty of other young players blooded/bloodied
Rotator cuffs, hamstrings, fingers, ankles - all of these body parts did their bit to help India in their efforts to embrace squad rotation. Rotation does generally involve players coming back into the side again after they depart, but it's important to do these things one step at a time.
Full postRotator cuffs, hamstrings, fingers, ankles - all of these body parts did their bit to help India in their efforts to embrace squad rotation. Rotation does generally involve players coming back into the side again after they depart, but it's important to do these things one step at a time.
A letter to Sanath
Politics isn't the place for Jayasuriya, as one of his constituents explains
Andrew Fernando
09-Sep-2011
Dear Mr Jayasuriya,
In April 2010 you were elected to office as the Member of Parliament for the Matara district, in which I live. At the time you were full of promises and the electorate was full of hope for you.
"I'd like to give back to society," you said. "Man of the people," said we, in turn.
Full postGive 'em a degree
In the wake of MS Dhoni's honorary doctorate, we look at other players to have been similarly honoured
Deepak Gopalakrishnan
05-Sep-2011
After his fine achievement of leading the Indian team to a 0-4 decimation at the hands of the erstwhile colonists, Mahendra Dhoni was awarded an honorary doctorate by De Montfort University, Leicester, fulfilling his lifelong dream of having something in common with Paul O'Grady. A few other luminaries in whites (or pyjamas) have earned hat-tips from institutions of learning around the world.
Anyone who has studied medicine of any sort will tell you the prime challenge is having live specimens to observe or practise on. Surely, having someone full-time on campus would be invaluable to the enlightenment of tomorrow's physicians. With this in mind, the University of Auckland announced the Shane Bond Chair in Sports Injury Management.
Every year, the Sydney Medical School rewards niche excellence through the John Buchanan Scholarship for Best Research in Ambidexterity. Kevin Pietersen won in 2009.
Full postEngland are No. 1? Lord help us
Reasons why the change at the top of the Test cricket rankings is not good news
S Aga
29-Aug-2011
The country that brought you Mark Ealham and Dominic Cork is top of Test cricket's table. Can this be a good thing? The answer, dear reader, is no
1. Think of all the Fire in Luton-type films that are in the works at the moment, and weep. Starring Tim Bresnan as Malcolm Marshall. With a soul-stirring score by, um, the Arctic Monkeys.
2. The 4-0 result has destroyed Duncan Fletcher, who was as much a part of building this England side as anybody else. Thus England have callously defecated upon their own heritage. This is just not cricket.
Full postWhy it's good India lost the No. 1 ranking
Eight reasons we should all be happy with the shift at the top of the rankings
Samantha Pendergrast
22-Aug-2011
Firstly, it's a good thing for the Indian players. Defeats, especially massively embarrassing ones like this one, create discord in the dressing room. This is good, as watching any reality show will tell you. Discord leads to anger, hurt and vindictiveness, which spur sportsmen to do better (which is why Greg Chappell is the real architect of India's success). England, with their nicknames ending in "y", "daddy hundreds", and man love are already on the path to self-destruction. They just don't know it yet.
The IPL is copping a lot of blame for India's poor performance. Blaming the IPL is fun. Fun is good. Hence the loss is good*.
You know how Indian fans are always carping about people hating them because they are jealous of them? Well, it's true. We do hate them. And yes, we are jealous of them. Who wouldn't envy someone who pays to keep the game alive and gets squat in return? We feel envy, admiration, inspiration, affection and respect for these fans. But most of all we feel a whole lot of schadenfreude sloshing about inside us when we see them miserable, tying up bundles of old newspapers to get their effigies burning efficiently when their team fails. For that German emotion, it's worth seeing India fall from the top of the rankings. Though don't worry, England haters - and given it's a colonial game, there should be plenty - your time too shall come.
Full postTricking fate for Tendulkar's sake
This is your chance to speed up the milestone looming over all our heads
Samantha Pendergrast
12-Aug-2011
You know how it won't fail to rain if it's the day you decided not to take the umbrella, wore white pants and suede shoes (which is also a crime against fashion)? It's called tempting Fate, that nasty old lady who wants you to believe that you're not in control, that you're destiny's child (but not the bootylicious one). Generally we'd advise you not to tempt her but these are dire days. Waiting for Tendulkar's 100th hundred has meant too many sleepless nights wondering if our servers can take the surge when he does get it. So let's get it over with in this series. Let's tempt fate into believing we really don't care, or don't think it will ever happen. Make it convincing, okay?
Fans
If you really love him - and if you don't, what are you doing on this site? - would you consider moving to a cricketless, and maybe news-less, country for the next few seasons? We hear North Korea is quite nice in the summer.
If you really love him - and if you don't, what are you doing on this site? - would you consider moving to a cricketless, and maybe news-less, country for the next few seasons? We hear North Korea is quite nice in the summer.
You're on Facebook, right? If not, how are you going to "like" this piece? So get on it and post messages about the very unlikely possibility of Tendulkar getting his 100th hundred. Because once it's out there, floating in cyberspace, theoretically possible for 500 million people to see, fate's going to make sure the opposite happens. Give your post a snazzy title, like "Ponting's so gonna get 100 b4 Sachin duz".
Full postThe worst jobs in cricket
Being a streaker in Cardiff in May is a picnic compared to these
Steve Coleman
04-Aug-2011
Pakistan captain
There is a famous poem in England for remembering the wives of Henry VIII: "Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived". Recently a similar chant has rung around Pakistani playgrounds. "Sacked, quit, fired, sacked, quit, retired" is a simple way of remembering the last six captains of the national team, although the nature of the job means it has to be updated on average every six weeks. Less a poisoned chalice than a mug of tea that punches you in the face and jumps on you until you are a bloodied pulp.
There is a famous poem in England for remembering the wives of Henry VIII: "Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived". Recently a similar chant has rung around Pakistani playgrounds. "Sacked, quit, fired, sacked, quit, retired" is a simple way of remembering the last six captains of the national team, although the nature of the job means it has to be updated on average every six weeks. Less a poisoned chalice than a mug of tea that punches you in the face and jumps on you until you are a bloodied pulp.
South Africa team psychologist
Ever wondered why you haven't seen David Blaine around lately? Rumour has it that he was employed by Cricket South Africa to put to bed the choking phenomenon with some of his Jedi mind tricks. Unfortunately, it proved too big a task for him to take on and he now becomes a blubbering mess any time he hears the words Duckworth and Lewis. Not really a job, more a life sentence.
Ever wondered why you haven't seen David Blaine around lately? Rumour has it that he was employed by Cricket South Africa to put to bed the choking phenomenon with some of his Jedi mind tricks. Unfortunately, it proved too big a task for him to take on and he now becomes a blubbering mess any time he hears the words Duckworth and Lewis. Not really a job, more a life sentence.
England team barber
Not that long ago, this was one of the most affluent jobs in Britain. Keeping Kevin Pietersen topped up with various dyes and straightening Stuart Broad's hair was a full time occupation. Now both have shaved their heads to go with the new team ethos, led by Andrew Strauss, who is finding it takes longer and longer to wash his face. Matt Prior is the final insult - no hair means that your services are never required. Thickening Alastair Cook's lustrous bouffant will not put the kids through school.
Full postNot that long ago, this was one of the most affluent jobs in Britain. Keeping Kevin Pietersen topped up with various dyes and straightening Stuart Broad's hair was a full time occupation. Now both have shaved their heads to go with the new team ethos, led by Andrew Strauss, who is finding it takes longer and longer to wash his face. Matt Prior is the final insult - no hair means that your services are never required. Thickening Alastair Cook's lustrous bouffant will not put the kids through school.
Stirring speeches to stay up for
You've heard about Sangakkara's. Here's a list of other speeches to watch out for
Sidin Vadukut
22-Jul-2011
Cricket fans all around the world were enthralled by Kumar Sangakkara recently when he delivered the Colin Cowdrey Spirit of Cricket Lecture at the Lord's Cricket Ground in London.
"It was enthralling," said one cricket fan, of the speech, which touched upon many topics, including war and peace in Sri Lanka, corruption in cricket and the sport's spotty record when it comes to administration. The speech received a largely positive response from the international cricket-playing fraternity.
"Yes it is very good," said Sachin Tendulkar, "but I think I speak for all cricketers when I say that it could have been even better with Snickometer and Hot Spot."
Full postThe Chinese are coming
Here's what you need to know and prepare yourself for
R Rajkumar
20-Jun-2011
Chinese cricket. It sounds like an inside joke, something born of an obvious anomaly; something almost as inconceivable as French cricket (which is why we call the children's schoolyard variety of the game precisely that). And when the grown-ups finally come out to play, we still haven't quite forgotten the French, choosing to attribute to them the slapstick of an unintended edge. In fact, if one were to make a picture of the French purely from cricketing terms, it would appear that they are a spectacularly clumsy and hilarious people.
But what to make of this thing called Chinese cricket? On the face of it, it would appear that they are just as ripe for the picking as the French. But it's not going to work, trying to call a bungled reverse sweep, for example, a Chinese Chop. Because the Chinese actually play cricket. In increasingly large numbers. They might find out.
Sure, the ACC tournaments they have participated in thus far have found the team clinging to the bottom of the tables with the tenacity of an overstuffed pot-sticker, but rest assured, when that dread day comes that China is granted full ICC member status, they are not going to be the new sacrificial Bangladeshis on the block. Plans are afoot for the future of Chinese cricket, ambitious plans the likes of which make Mao's Great Leap Forward look like a piddling game of hopscotch.
Full postMost Read
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