The Heavy Ball
What Ponting and Tendulkar talk about
And how much a cheerleader needs to know about cricket. Our agony aunt knows it all
Trish Plunket
20-Apr-2013
I'm the new guy in an IPL team full of big names and big bucks. How do I try to fit in? asks Wanna B
Fitting in is a subtle art, and trying too hard is a surefire way to not be successful. Having spent most of my teenage years trying to fit in and abjectly failing, I have become somewhat of an expert at this.
Fitting in is a subtle art, and trying too hard is a surefire way to not be successful. Having spent most of my teenage years trying to fit in and abjectly failing, I have become somewhat of an expert at this.
If there's a player with a particularly large ego (you'll have plenty to choose from) and he bowls or bats a bit like you, start making noises about how you look up to him and consider him a bit of a mentor. Here sensing an opportunity to bore you witless pass on his knowledge, the senior player will take you under his wing and you will find yourself, if not an equal member of the in crowd, at least tolerated like a cool younger sibling.
If that doesn't work, stick up your nose and declare your team-mates aren't that cool anyway and you like having a life outside cricket.
Full postWas there a second slapper?
Conspiracy theories abound on who else had a hand in hitting Sreesanth back in 2008
R Rajkumar
16-Apr-2013
As far as conspiracy theories go, it doesn't get murkier than Slapgate. Amid the many rumours and counter-rumours swirling around on what did and did not happen in Mohali on that fateful day, perhaps the most notorious one is that slapper Harbhajan Singh was not, in fact, acting alone.
"I know what I saw," said a member of the ground staff who was on duty that day. "Sreesanth was first slapped by Bhajji, but he was also slapped again, by a different, less hairy hand. The second hand appeared out of a crowd gathered on the grassy knoll, where the players in question were standing for the post-match presentation."
The man, who wishes to remain anonymous, added: "It wasn't really a grassy knoll but a cricket ground. 'Grassy knoll' just sounds cooler."
Full postAustralian selectors confident about team's batting
And other eye-opening news in store this week
Alan Tyers
15-Apr-2013
It may only be April, but surely the search for cricket's quote of the year is over. Step forward, Pakistan Cricket Board chairman M Zaka Ashraf, who says of the disgraced umpires affair: "The PCB has a zero-tolerance policy for corruption or indiscipline."
Keep an eye out for the following news stories this week.
Graeme Smith: "I will teach Surrey youngsters that cricket is a beautiful form of poetry"
Full post'Slept like a baby!'
If you haven't subscribed to Kemar Roach's Twitter feed yet, you're not living life to its fullest
Alex Bowden
11-Apr-2013
This week's Twitter round-up features electrifying updates from the IPL teams, a carefree attitude to the preservation of one's vehicle, and food destruction going up a notch. We also learn a thing or two about hashtags #butnothinguseful.
The IPL
It's here. Follow the franchises' official Twitter feeds to fill your timeline with gold such as this:
Full postIt's here. Follow the franchises' official Twitter feeds to fill your timeline with gold such as this:
One man's groundbreaking impact on Indian cricket
The valiant contributions of this correspondent have gone unsung for decades. This must change
Sidin Vadukut
10-Apr-2013
For far too long cricketers and cricket administrators have been ruthlessly usurping all the credit for the success of their teams and nations.
I refuse to tolerate this nonsense anymore.
Why has Indian cricket become so successful of late? Apparently it is all because of Mahendra Singh Dhoni. Rubbish!
Full postHow to tell if you're watching the IPL or county cricket
It's that time of year when you need help distinguishing between the two
Alex Bowden
04-Apr-2013
This isn't a rhetorical question. Which are you watching? Do you know? Follow this handy guide if you don't. It will help you distinguish between these two almost identical branches of cricket.
Time of day
Is the match taking place at night? If it is, you are more likely watching the IPL. However, are you sure that it is definitely night-time and not just a particularly cloudy day? The only way you can be certain is by counting shadows. If there are four shadows around each player - one from each floodlight - then you are watching the IPL. If there is one massive shadow, shrouding the entire ground, you are probably watching Surrey.
Is the match taking place at night? If it is, you are more likely watching the IPL. However, are you sure that it is definitely night-time and not just a particularly cloudy day? The only way you can be certain is by counting shadows. If there are four shadows around each player - one from each floodlight - then you are watching the IPL. If there is one massive shadow, shrouding the entire ground, you are probably watching Surrey.
Weather
Hot = India. Cold = springtime in England. It can be difficult to gauge weather conditions from a television broadcast, but there are a few things you can look out for. Headwear is a good indicator. If bright sunlight is glinting off even brighter helmets, blinding you, then it's the IPL. If any player is seen wearing multiple hats, it's probably England. Don't be fooled by broad-brimmed sun hats. Sometimes they conceal a wool hat underneath.
Full postHot = India. Cold = springtime in England. It can be difficult to gauge weather conditions from a television broadcast, but there are a few things you can look out for. Headwear is a good indicator. If bright sunlight is glinting off even brighter helmets, blinding you, then it's the IPL. If any player is seen wearing multiple hats, it's probably England. Don't be fooled by broad-brimmed sun hats. Sometimes they conceal a wool hat underneath.
Meet Australia's future Ashes stars
Not excited by what's been on offer so far? These players will get you perked up
Alan Tyers
01-Apr-2013
With the Australian cricket team in the doldrums and players seemingly unable to stay fit, it's time to blood some new talent in this important Ashes year. Keep an eye out for these players.
Paul Howes
Exciting top-order talent with unconventional technique, Howes has abandoned the outmoded method of hitting the ball with the bat in favour of just letting it knock his stumps over. Goal for season is to survive one delivery from a spinner.
Exciting top-order talent with unconventional technique, Howes has abandoned the outmoded method of hitting the ball with the bat in favour of just letting it knock his stumps over. Goal for season is to survive one delivery from a spinner.
Shaun "What?" O'Wateson
Exciting top-order talent who can do a job as opener, in the middle order, or back home in disgrace in Australia. Tipped to be either handed the vice-captaincy or a six-month stretch for failing to do his homework.
Full postExciting top-order talent who can do a job as opener, in the middle order, or back home in disgrace in Australia. Tipped to be either handed the vice-captaincy or a six-month stretch for failing to do his homework.
An apology about New Zealand-England coverage
The media apologises for certain minor errors and misprints in reportage about the series so far
Alan Tyers
25-Mar-2013
By all UK newspapers
Along with other commentators, we may have mistakenly given the impression that the England cricket team was among the very best in the world and merely had to turn up in New Zealand in order to secure a 3-0 series victory. Although this was not our intention, we now accept that articles such as "Why England's Enforcers Will Crush Kiwi Makeweights", "Two-Tier Test Cricket: Should Sorry New Zealand Be Relegated to Women's Cricket Division Two?" and "Shambolic Sheep Fanciers Will Bend the Knee to Cook's Heroes" may have suggested that the Test series was a forgone conclusion. This was not our intention, nor did we intend any disrespect to our New Zealand opponents, who we now accept are not "lucky just to be on the same field as the likes of Broady and Ian Bell".
Subsequently, features including "Why Split Coaching is Management Masterclass", "Joe Root Will Break Every One of Tendulkar's Records" and "Steven Finn: the Most Dangerous Man Alive" have been lightly re-edited to reflect recent developments. Click in the usual places to read "Andy Flower's Spineless Desertion Has Plunged Team Into Crisis", "Joe Root Should Never Be Allowed On Cricket Pitch Again" and "Steve Finn: the Most Hopeless Man Alive".
Full postAre you responsible for destroying cricket?
What kind of a fan are you? Search your soul with these extremely piercing questions
Sidin Vadukut
22-Mar-2013
When you look at the sheer number of challenges that the game of cricket has to grapple with on a daily basis, sometimes it feel like you're watching one of Steven Seagal's first few major films - what true Seagal connoisseurs call his "insane but not yet batshitly so period".
One moment cricket is cowering in the kitchen as the BCCI sprays everything with machine-gun fire. The next moment cricket is leaping out of a window to avoid being slaughtered by the DRS crisis. With nary a second to catch its breath, cricket is then plunged into hand-to-hand combat with a roomful of kung-fu match-fixers. "Why don't you just give up and die, cricket!" you feel like screaming at the TV out of sheer pity.
But somehow, after some mild nudity, cricket prevails and lives on to see another Future Tours Programme.
Full postHow to invest your IPL millions
Questions of cricket gnawing at your soul? Our agony aunt provides soothing answers
Trish Plunket
17-Mar-2013
I have just landed a million-dollar contract in the IPL. What's the wisest way to invest all this money? asks G Max
Damn it, Jim, I'm a cricket fan, not a stockbroker! The wisest way I can think of investing it is in a tin under your bed. That way your new-found wealth won't fall prey to dodgy ex-millionaires, corrupt corporations, or the next time the world's finances collectively tank.
Damn it, Jim, I'm a cricket fan, not a stockbroker! The wisest way I can think of investing it is in a tin under your bed. That way your new-found wealth won't fall prey to dodgy ex-millionaires, corrupt corporations, or the next time the world's finances collectively tank.
The other tried-and-true option is to squander it all on sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. While I am professionally bound to advise against this, let me say that if I were getting paid squizillions to play a few games of cricket, I know what I'd be doing with the money.
We at the NBA are very interested in having Mohammad Irfan play for us. But we have heard the Pakistan board is often temperamental. What is the best way to approach them to request sending him over for trials? asks basket_cases
Money. It will always come down to money. Pony up enough and you should be fine, since your plan to poach the absurdly lanky Irfan is significantly more legal than shifty bookmakers and News of the World phone hacks. The PCB will drive a hard bargain, so go to the table with your haggling face on. Wait, you're not Indian are you?
Full postMoney. It will always come down to money. Pony up enough and you should be fine, since your plan to poach the absurdly lanky Irfan is significantly more legal than shifty bookmakers and News of the World phone hacks. The PCB will drive a hard bargain, so go to the table with your haggling face on. Wait, you're not Indian are you?
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