The Heavy Ball
Ravindra Jadeja returns OBE
Also: Bresnan's trauma, and why there was no reserve day for the Champions Trophy final
R Rajkumar
24-Jun-2013
Michael Holding inconsolable after unwittingly commentating on T20 match
Michael Holding found himself in the grips of an existential crisis yesterday upon realising that he had in effect commentated on a T20 match, the rain-shortened Champions Trophy final. Notorious for dismissing the shortest format of the game as "rubbish" and for claiming not to have watched a single match during the 2010 T20 World Cup held in the Caribbean, the legendary fast bowler, widely admired for his integrity, was distraught.
Michael Holding found himself in the grips of an existential crisis yesterday upon realising that he had in effect commentated on a T20 match, the rain-shortened Champions Trophy final. Notorious for dismissing the shortest format of the game as "rubbish" and for claiming not to have watched a single match during the 2010 T20 World Cup held in the Caribbean, the legendary fast bowler, widely admired for his integrity, was distraught.
"You don't understand what this means," he sobbed. "How can I live with myself?"
When told it was an understandable and, given the circumstances, unavoidable situation, Holding sniffled and shook his head sadly. "That's no excuse!" he said. "I made my reputation by being a man of my word. To think that I said Kieron Pollard was not a real cricketer just because he was a T20 specialist. What will he think of me now?"
Full postFraternal Indo-Pak fans threaten to spoil fierce rivalry
What's with all the goodwill and brotherhood? It's enough to make an old-timer sick
R Rajkumar
21-Jun-2013
Evidence continues to mount that during the recent Champions Trophy match between India and Pakistan at Edgbaston, fans from both sides engaged in harmless, non-confrontational conduct unbecoming of the fiercest rivalry in sport.
Fresh amateur video footage has emerged that shows fans in the stands mixing with one other in an unashamedly friendly manner. The frankly embarrassing behaviour on show included singing, dancing, some good-natured banter, and fans otherwise generally carrying on as though they weren't carousing with sworn arch enemies whose countries had been to war against each other.
Just as troublingly if not even more so, these cloying interactions do not seem to be limited to meetings in person. Both sets of fans have been taking their newfound camaraderie to online forums and comments sections of popular websites, ESPNcricinfo not excepted. Where before the animosity between fans of the two nations would be a moderator's nightmare, now these platforms would appear to be a congratulatory platform for thriving mutual-admiration societies.
Full postPunish Root and Warner
Their crimes are hideous beyond belief
Alex Bowden
15-Jun-2013
You will know by now that David Warner was dropped from Australia's team after taking a wild swing at England's Joe Root and succeeding only in getting a faint nick. They were in a Walkabout at the time and Root was in possession of a wig, but we'll come to those details in a bit.
The incident continues a rich tradition of Australian cricketers getting hammered during one-day competitions taking place in England. In 2005, Andrew Symonds was suspended after turning up drunk on the morning of a match.
Ricky Ponting described that famous incident thus:
Full postWWE to take over IPL
The week's news that you had been carefully avoiding
R Rajkumar
10-Jun-2013
WWE to take over IPL
Putting an end to weeks of rumours, the BCCI called a press conference yesterday to admit that it is indeed in talks with World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) over the possibility of the latter's adoption and eventual running of the IPL.
Putting an end to weeks of rumours, the BCCI called a press conference yesterday to admit that it is indeed in talks with World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) over the possibility of the latter's adoption and eventual running of the IPL.
"With everything that's happened, we figure it's the only thing that makes sense right about now," boomed WWE chairman Vince McMahon, as a trembling Jagmohan Dalmiya looked on from the shadows.
"Under the proposed takeover," continued Mr McMahon, "IPL cricket matches will cease to be considered a proper 'sport' as such, and will instead feature carefully constructed rivalries with predetermined outcomes that will be promoted as legitimate matches."
Full postCricket journalists protest spot-fixing scandal
Hacks upset at not getting to cover anything sport-related
Siddhartha Vaidyanathan
09-Jun-2013
Cricket journalists around India are up in arms against the BCCI since they believe that events of the last few weeks have sidelined them completely.
"It's unbelievable how we are being made to report on betting, spot-fixing, gambling syndicates, towels, corporate affairs, legal notices, RoC reports, AGMs, SGMs, state associations, and everything under the sun other than cricket," said the president of a leading cricket-journalist federation in India, Mr Arokyaswamy.
A special investigation reveals that over the last few weeks the sports pages have been overrun by business and legal jargon. Fans who have searched for terms like "exquisite back-foot square drive" and "coruscating pull shot" have been confronted with mysterious references to "sub-section 7.2" and "void ab initio" instead.
Full postHow to bet on the Champions Trophy
A handy form guide to who you should be putting your money on during the tournament
Alan Tyers
07-Jun-2013
Betting on cricket is the hot new craze that they're all talking about in the cricketing world's bookmakers' shops, illegal gambling dens and IPL players' dressing rooms, but it can be confusing for the novice. Should you have a win-double on Jonathan Trott to score a century but still be held directly responsible for England losing? Is a spread bet on the number of men called Mitchell in the Australia v New Zealand match a good idea? Is Tino Best a misprinted accusation of wrongdoing? What is a Yankee? And can Australia teach one legspin and get him a passport in time for the Ashes?
With its atypically comprehensible format and lack of minnows to humiliate England, the Champions Trophy of Champions is an ideal training ground for the aspiring "puntist", as cricket gamblers are called. If you don't know how to place a bet, don't worry. A friendly man saying that he's a player's agent will be along to help you directly. If you're not sure that you need a leather jacket in this weather, remember that England's cricket grounds can become very chilly in the evenings, as indeed can her prisons.
Picking the winner of the tournament was always going to be difficult. England's Test-style approach had made them favourites but it appears that the rigorous programme of hypnotherapeutic conditioning implemented by Ashley Giles has worked too well, with many of the batsmen convinced they are actually trying to save a timeless Test on a Madras dustbowl sometime shortly after the Second World War. However, they look a reasonable value bet to bore themselves to death at 3/1, and there might be possibilities on hilarious back-page pun accumulators at 66/1 if "Buttler takes Root to Cook Swann's Bell" although the chance of the cricket tournament edging "Jose Mourinho scratches stubble sexily" off the backpage is an outsider at 100/1.
Full postMinister fights for Fawad and everything Australian
Getting a spinner for the Ashes is a national crisis, so a political leader steps up to do his duty
Alan Tyers
31-May-2013
From: Pongo MacGregor, Australian Minister for Sports, Mateship and Fooling around in the Sheep Dip
Subject: Proposed (Baggy) Green Paper on Getting this Pakistan bloke into the cricket side in time to stick it up the Pommies
To: All Members of Parliament apart from the sheilas obviously
Subject: Proposed (Baggy) Green Paper on Getting this Pakistan bloke into the cricket side in time to stick it up the Pommies
To: All Members of Parliament apart from the sheilas obviously
Right, you blokes. A time comes in every public servant's life when he has the chance to shape the destiny of his nation in the most profound and important way imaginable. For me, that opportunity has already come along once, much earlier in my career, when I sponsored a bill to make the wearing of moustaches for fast bowlers an enshrined constitutional right - in the face of savage opposition from so-called progressive types and the powerful razor-blade lobby.
Now Australia has called upon me once again in her hour of need and by God I am not going to let her down. With the Ashes coming up, it is absolutely vital that we get this Fawad Ahmed guy in the baggy green sharpish. The thought of our blokes having to go over there with nothing but Nathan Lyon in the locker is a prospect that makes the blood of every red-blooded Australian male run cold. We must act fast.
Full postThe perfect rainy day at Test cricket
It's the one where it doesn't rain all that much, but you get soaked anyway and the players hardly come out of the dressing room
Alex Bowden
30-May-2013
Day five of the second Test between England and New Zealand was a delight for connoisseurs of rain-affected play. A good rain-interrupted day of Test cricket involves spending as much time as possible in a grey, confused land between actually playing and being rained off. It's not about gallons of water falling from the sky and rendering play impossible. It's about sitting there not knowing when play is going to take place or whether you will even see the players at all, but having to wait around anyway.
The perfect rain-affected day of Test cricket goes something like this.
You arrive at the ground under clear blue skies only to learn that heavy overnight rain has left huge puddles on the outfield meaning there will be a pitch inspection about half an hour after the scheduled start of play.
Full postMatch-fixing veterans rue rise of spot-fixing
Fans of the long format upset by the instant gratification of the newer mode of cheating
Anand Ramachandran
27-May-2013
Traditional match-fixing veterans are deeply anguished at the new slam-bang spot-fixing format that is threatening to strike at the roots of the longer version.
"Spot-fixing is spoiling the technique of youngsters who think that fixing is only about no-balls, wides, ungainly heaves and dropped catches. I am afraid that the true art of match-fixing that required hours of concentration, long sessions of carefully orchestrated slow batting, whole spells of just slightly ineffective bowling and pitch-perfect misfielding to manipulate entire match results will soon become a thing of the past. Youngsters are losing the skills and temperament to deal with the rigours of true long format match-fixing," lamented a veteran bookie and fixer known only as "Bhai".
"Match-fixing used to be about controlling the ebb and flow of the entire game, the nuances, the many little details. Now all the public wants is quick results and instant gratification that spot-fixing gives them. It's a shame," he added.
Full postHow to deal with spot-fixing disillusionment
And why David Warner is so angry. Our agony aunt speculates
Trish Plunket
26-May-2013
As a fan, the spot-fixing scandal has really disillusioned me (again). Should I stop watching cricket? Is there any form of the game I can watch without feeling suspicious? asks Fix Me A Drink
Am I the only one who hears "spot-fixing" and thinks of Shaun Tait doing the Lady Macbeth "Out damned spot!" routine?
Am I the only one who hears "spot-fixing" and thinks of Shaun Tait doing the Lady Macbeth "Out damned spot!" routine?
I am? Well, anyway…
You possibly might be able to escape match-fixing scandals at your local Under-10s match, but you might have to look out for some shifty dads there.
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