The Heavy Ball
Commentary's first doping scandal, and the incredible flying woman
Mandira and the joys of jet propulsion, the Agarkar factor, and the shocking truth about Jeremy Coney
14-May-2009
As the business end of the tournament approaches, the IPL is being touted as a roaring success. "We are very happy that we've been able to overcome huge organisational challenges and turn the second edition of the IPL into a… er… a… a roaring success," said Commissioner Lalit Modi, peeking into the previous sentence for help. "Yes, there have been a few negatives - the strategy break, some empty stands, Ajit Agarkar," he admitted candidly. "But except for Agarkar we are confident that the other aspects will be improved for the next edition," he signed off with a signature wink.
The IPL has seen its share of controversies but is now faced with a scandal that threatens to overshadow all previous ones. TV commentator and former cricketer Jeremy Coney is being investigated by the world anti-doping body, WADA, which suspects he has been using drugs to enhance his performance. This is the first time in sports history that a broadcaster, and not an athlete, is being accused of doping violations.
"All the signs are there - unprovoked singing, incessant giggling, dreamily grooving to Sivamani's beat - Mr Coney is obviously under the influence of some rather strong drugs," said a spokesman for WADA, trying hard not to focus on the targets painted on the skirts of the Rajasthan Royals cheerleaders. "If this is an enhanced performance, I shudder to think what his commentary is like when he's clean," he added, quite unnecessarily.
Full postRather fraggistamatic
Post-commentary press conferences, all-new superlatives, and an accidental jackass
07-May-2009
While fans are used to post-match press conferences, where captains and coaches discuss the performance of their teams, they were taken by surprise when they were treated recently to the world's first post-commentary press conference. During this one-of-a-kind event, commentary team "captain" Sameer Kochchar held forth on the performance of his team, and threw light on future plans.
"We know that there are a lot of people listening to our commentary on TV, judging from the many empty seats in the stands. Heh Heh." he began, causing mild discomfort among the IPL officials present.
"Well, we're bringing in some changes for the next few games - Arun Lal sits out, and Aakash Chopra and Saba Karim will come in. We hope that their inclusion will help us improve our dismal performance in the earlier games. At the very least, we hope their commentary is more exciting than the cricket they're known for. Heh heh," he continued, causing mild discomfort among his fellow commentators.
Full postA keen contest on the cards
We flash back nearly 80 years to the very first edition of the IPL: big hitting, big money, and an epoch-making headline
By our special correspondents
04-May-2009
Struggling to keep up with the frenetic pace of the IPL, are you? Oh, for the good ol' days, you say, when we could sip our tea as Trevor Bailey went block, block, block. But if it's thrill-a-second adrenalin rushes you want, the IPL doesn't disappoint. The very first edition, back in the summer of 1932, was no different.
One of the first rules the organisers laid out for the tournament was simple: always play at the wrong time. If it's not mind-numbingly hot, it must be depressingly wet. So it was decided that India in May would suit everyone just fine. There was even a suggestion that the Bombay Indians' captain, Douglas Jardine, had had a say in the scheduling, drawing up the itinerary in the Bombay Gymkhana dining room.
Bombay were among the favourites going in to the tournament, but the Holkar Helicopters, led by the audaciously talented CK Nayudu, and the Eleven Kings of Northern Punjab, had impressive line-ups. Nayudu was an advertiser's delight. You think the seven-and-a-half-minute strategy breaks are too long? Nonagenarians in Indore still talk about a Nayudu six that landed in another district. One remembered counting 76 commercials before the game resumed.
Full postThe IPL movie, unexpected hair, and a team voyeur
Our omnipresent, indefatigable source brings you more choice quotes from the tournament
30-Apr-2009
Though the IPL has lacked the widespread success of last year's edition, the tournament's marketing juggernaut rolls on with more innovations and new ideas.
The IPL will soon become the first sports league in the world to have an official movie. Sources have revealed that a deal has been signed with a major Bollywood production house. "We always said that the IPL brings cricket and Bollywood together, but this is totally awesome," said a typically over-enthusiastic studio executive. "It will surely be a blockbuster hit, even if most of the seats are empty. Just like the real IPL," he added.
The IPL movie has apparently assembled a star-studded ensemble cast, and will feature Shah Rukh Khan as Shah Rukh Khan, Preity Zinta as Preity Zinta, Aamir Khan as Gautam Gambhir, Vladimir Putin as Nasser Hussain, John C Reilly as Virender Sehwag, Matt Damon as Albie Morkel, and Kamal Hassan as everyone else. The music will, thankfully, not be scored by Sivamani.
Full postWho's afraid of the big bad blogger? And other stories
Our highly placed source is not fakeiplplayer, but he happens to have the inside dope
23-Apr-2009
Well into the first week of the IPL, we've had more than our fair share of thrills and spills - but more off the field than on it.
The Kolkata Knight Riders team has, as usual, been hit by controversy. This time it's the "Fake IPL Player" blog, which pokes fun at Sourav Ganguly, John Buchanan, Shah Rukh Khan and all the happenings around the KKR team, that is the cause for concern.
"We're not bothered by some foolish and inconsequential blog. We're one happy family that trusts each other and gets along," said an impossibly sincere and earnest-looking SRK, even as he supervised workmen who were removing all the Wi-Fi infrastructure from the team dressing room.
Full postExcellence. Entertainment. Exploitation
They're rich, beautiful, will stop at nothing, and are full of it. Our well-placed source brings you a few choice quotes from the IPL's powers that be
20-Apr-2009
On the first two days of the IPL, fans were treated to all that they've come to expect from the tournament - exciting matches, unpredicable results, predictable commentary, and of course, a surfeit of everyone concerned gushing about how wonderful the tournament is going to be.
The first few games also saw the old warhorses dominate, with Anil Kumble, Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid and Shane Warne producing standout performances.
"I always had faith in great cricketers like Rahul and Anil", said Bangalore team owner Dr Vijay Mallya, displaying the requisite IPL team-owner talent for backtracking and general denial. "Look, the top four buttons of my ridiculously colourful shirt are open!" he added, trying to change the subject before anyone asked uncomfortable questions.
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