Liposuction

There's "The dog ate my fitness report", and then there's the real classy stuff. Shoaib Akhtar ruled himself out of service for up to five months when he underwent a liposuction procedure to put a dent in his love handles. Which means, alas, that there's less of everyone's favourite fast bowler to love.

Lip service

Upon being given what is presumably the last of many last chances to play for India, everyone's favourite stormy petrel Sreesanth declared it was a new beginning. "I'm sure I won't cross the thin line between professionalism and foolery," he declared eloquently. Is anyone holding their breath?

Nov 20, 2009

Trott's homecoming

Seventy-eight in the tour match, 51 in the Twenty20 England got a pasting in, 33 in the won they won, and AB de Villiers assuring the world Trott won't get a rough reception from the crowds: it doesn't get much better for a prodigal.

Nash's homecoming

You travel clean around the world and this is the welcome you get: dismissed for 11, by a former flat-mate at that. Spare a thought for Brendan Nash who lasted 26 balls before being snaffled by Nathan Rimmington, who he once shared an apartment with in Brisbane.

Nov 18, 2009

Proud New South Welshmen

Confronted by Ricky Ponting's comments that the Champions League had disrupted Australia's preparations for the India tour, Lee said: "[NSW is] where I was born, that's what I'm all about…" Whereupon not much more was heard from Ponting on the matter.

Proud Maharashtrians

"Mumbai belongs to India," the little master declared recently in the wake of a sons-of-the-soil uproar. "I am a Maharashtrian and proud to be a Maharashtrian, but I am also an Indian." Whereupon rabble-rousing Shiv Sena patriarch Bal Thackeray advised him in an editorial to stick to cricket.

Nov 17, 2009

The slap

During the warm-up before the first Twenty20 against New Zealand, Shahid Afridi, captain again, was seen slapping Saeed Ajmal. In jest of course, but an errant fingernail left a cut under an Ajmal eye - which perhaps inspired Ajmal to take two wickets in three overs.

The kiss

When Kamran Akmal pulled off a stunning one-handed catch, the benevolent side of Afridi came out, and he planted a kiss on the Akmal cheek. "What's going on here, Waqar?" a bemused Tony Greig was heard to ask his co-commentator on air.

Nov 13, 2009

Mohammad Yousuf

The old fox learns from his mistakes. After getting run out off a poor call in the first ODI against New Zealand, he made a bad call in the second too... but this time it was Salman Butt who paid. And no apology, no remorse on that serene, bearded face.

Ravindra Jadeja

Two games against Australia, twice snubbed by more senior lower-order batsmen, twice becoming part of match-turning collapses. Needs to rein in his youthful energies and ask Yousuf for an autographed copy of How To Make Bad Calls And Run Others Out.

Nov 9, 2009

Newbies getting Tendulkar's wicket

It's a cliché, but it's still got legs: if you're a bowler making his international debut against India, you know whose wicket you're going to get. As Clint McKay proved against India in Hyderabad.

Tendulkar solos in vain
Another hoary trend, but one we wish ends soon: the maestro playing a valiant lone hand, only for India to fall short at the tape. Chennai 1999, Jodhpur 2000, Rawalpindi 2004, Ahmedabad 2005 and now this.

Nov 6, 2009

Harbhajan the batsman

Forty-nine off 31 in Vadodara, 31 off 25 in Mohali, the first nearly taking India to an unlikely win.

Harbhajan the bowler

Five wickets for 204 runs off 40 overs in the four games so far.

Nov 2, 2009

Lee for club

Stick him in Blues tog and Bing'll swing it for you. 83 for 6? Leave it to Lee. Our Brett flayed 48 runs to pull his side out of a hole in the Champions League final on Friday and then turned up to take 2 for 10 to drive home the point.

Lee for country

Was it the celebration after the win, the flight, the accursed burnout? A day or so after that win, Brett went off the boil against India, making zero off three in the slog in the first ODI and going off with an injured elbow after bowling six overs for none.

Oct 28, 2009

Vishy

Who's the most popular touchstone for the pocket-sized biffers of the shortest format? Gundappa Viswanath, apparently. Ask Harsha Bhogle and Ian Chappell, who compared Virat Kohli and Adrian Barath to Vishy - that's two in two days.

Vivi

You'd think Viv Richards would be the patron saint of a format in which dispatching the ball over midwicket is par for the course, but how many have seen shades of him in the big hitting of Ross Taylor and Kieron Pollard? Or is that too sacrilegious?

Oct 19, 2009

Herschelle Gibbs

Hersch chose to play for his regional side, and not his IPL one, in the Champions League. Voila, the Cobras made it into the next round, while Deccan were dumped out.

Brendon McCullum

The first of the freelancers, Mac picked wrong when he chose to show up for Otago. New South Wales, for whom he had played earlier, are looking good for the title.

Oct 16, 2009

Chinaman

Dave Mohammed made his Champions League debut with 2 for 18 at a strike-rate of 12 in T&T's win over Somerset. And no, he didn't use his shoe as a phone to celebrate; merely somersaulted and clapped his knees instead.

Leggie

With two wickets from two matches at a strike-rate of 24, Amit Mishra, a hat-trick taker in the first IPL, may soon be cooling his heels in the Delhi dressing room.

Oct 13, 2009

Glenn McGrath

Call him a remnant at your own peril. About a year and a half out of competitive cricket and he lands his first ball on a dime and takes two wickets in his second over.

Anil Kumble

Not all old warhorses are from the same stable apparently. Kumble went for an unflattering 35 runs off his four overs for no wickets in his first game, against Cape Cobras.

Oct 12, 2009

Shashi Tharoor

Twitter-happy Indian Minister of State for External Affairs, novelist, cricket fan, and guest of honour at the Victoria-Daredevils game.

Shah Rukh Khan

Blog-writing lord of the Bollywood universe, Kolkata IPL team owner and cheerleader extraordinaire; notably absent from the Champions League

Oct 10, 2009

Playing in pain all the time

... is what Sachin Tendulkar does, or so says the man himself. "You know when pain is manageable or not, and most of the time I can do it."

Playing in pain for three years

... is what lesser mortals do - such as Nathan Bracken, who recently revealed that he has basically been hobbling since January 2007

Oct 8, 2009

Buttocks

Pains in the ass are the accessories of the hour. Ask Stuart Broad and Paul Collingwood.

Tummies

Delhi Belly in South Africa? Surely, you're joking Mr Tendulkar.

Oct 6, 2009

South Africans playing for other countries

It's not just the England side that bonds over braais. Saffer exports are now starring for other teams as well. Exhibit A: New Zealand's Grant Elliott.

South Africans playing for South Africa

Three games, two losses. And it's not as if there are Englishmen in the side either. Doing it for your country has never been more unhip.

Oct 1, 2009

Strauss the churl

A pushover, moi? No chance, said England's captain and proceeded to deny Graeme Smith a runner in the game in which South Africa were knocked out of the Champions Trophy. That's showing them, Andy.

Strauss the gent

Scant days before, Strauss had - with last year's Elliott- Sidebottom furore in mind, no doubt - recalled Angelo Mathews to the crease after he was run out following a collision with Graham Onions.

Sep 29, 2009

Sex

Performance has a whole new meaning in cricket and you can thank Gary Kirsten and Co for it.

Drugs

How we long for the glory days of 2008, when Mohammad Asif alone kept entire narcotics bureaus in business.

Sep 25, 2009

Mercenaries-in-waiting

Good old Freddie Flintoff is now free to be a bungee-jumper, TV host, coach and occasional cricketer for hire (in Twenty20 tournaments in four countries or more), provided the ECB, whose contract he declined, gives him clearance in future to do so.

Thwarted mercenaries

Evil old Brendon McCullum is a potential thorn in Freelance Fred's flesh: McCullum's threat earlier in the year to reject his national contract to go solo resulted recently in legislation by the IPL to prevent players from doing exactly that.

Sep 21, 2009

Fun

Calling Twenty20 a bit of fun and then comparing it to WWE, before going on to reach a second World Twenty20 final, like Younis Khan did. Now that's the sort of irony we're looking for.

Pressure

Not calling Twenty20 fun, and instead talking about the pressure to perform, bowling in the right areas, and team focus, before making an early exit, like MS Dhoni did. Yawn.

Jun 21, 2009