044

Suffering from withdrawal symptoms now that the IPL is over? Depressed and despondent? Look at the bright side - at least you're not Lalit K Modi

043

Fans are advised to forget about all the allegations of sleaze, corruption and debauchery, and focus on the cricket being played. All that other stuff is only for team owners, IPL officials, and our loyal servants, the politicians.

042

Loyal IPL fans, do not despair that the IPL is coming to a close. At least you won't have to watch that terrible ad with Sunjay Dutt resembling a reject Japanese robot ever again.

041

Fans who are looking forward to the upcoming World Twenty20, be warned - it is unlikely to match the IPL in terms of excitement, drama and unpredictability. Off the field, that is.

040

Fans who are planning to attend the semi-final games are cautioned against making stupid banners that expand each letter of the names "S-A-C-H-I-N" or "D-H-O-N-I", in the interests of maintaining the IPL's standards of good taste. No, wait...

039

People upset by the sensationalist reporting in the print and TV media on the recent controversies surrounding the IPL can always turn to that trusted source of unbiased, truthful and balanced news, Twitter. It may just restore your faith in traditional media.

038

An advance warning for die-hard fans of the IPL broadcast: The upcoming World Twenty20 may not feature L Sivaramakrishnan. Kindly do not take to the streets in protest - he is certain to be hired as an "expert" by an Indian news channel.

037

Fans following the complex and multilayered Tharoor-Modi controversy are advised not to get caught up in the numerous side issues, and to focus on the really important and baffling question: How does Mr Tharoor's "parabolic sweep" hairstyle defy gravity and manage to always stay in position?

036

In case any of you are interested in bidding for an IPL team sometime in the future, it would be wise to wait until bids stop being arbitrarily disqualified, all vendettas have been settled, and the rules are made clear. In short - don't bother.

035

IPL watchers are warned that doing a Harsha Bhogle and referring to April 14 as Tamil New Year's Day in the presence of the Hon. CM Dr M Karunanidhi is not exactly a bright idea. Just ask your Tamilian friends why.

034

Fans with an irresistible urge to cut the MRF blimp loose from its moorings, be warned that when you get to the stadium, it might not actually be there. Stock footage is useful like that.

033

KKR fans surprised at Sourav Ganguly's outburst against the team after the game against RCB, cheer up. At least your captain still has a reason to motivate his players by yelling at them, unlike poor Kumar Sangakkara.

032

Fans from Kerala who are nervous that the Kochi IPL franchise may be revoked, look on the bright side - at least you won't be saddled with a side captained by a guy who behaves so badly, he makes Harbhajan Singh and Andrew Symonds look like die-hard followers of Emily Post.

031

Mumbai Indians supporters who are upset about the underperformance of the expensive Kieron Pollard are advised to calm themselves and understand that paying big bucks to superstars is no guarantee of success. Just ask Akshay Kumar's producers.

030

Fans who object to things like cheerleaders, the IPL's focus on entertainment, and the threat posed by the tournament to India's democracy - we hear that the sports ministry is hiring.

029

If you're watching the IPL on TV, kindly be alert. Things happen at great speed - such as Shane Bond bowling yorkers, M Vijay hitting sixes, and the commentators changing from "That's out of the gr..." to "Oh. It's been taken."

028

While the IPL does encourage fans to applaud, cheer and clap to their heart's content, it warns players to exercise restraint, especially if said clapping is meant to mock opponents or, even worse, the umpire.

027

Fans who are interested in predicting the outcome of IPL matches are advised to start off with easier subjects, such as the weather, the stock market, and Shoaib Malik's personal life.

026

The discerning IPL fan must learn the delicate art of tactful phrasing. It is preferable to say "All the teams have a good chance of making the semi-finals" as opposed to "All the teams are equally rubbish" or "The IPL is a lottery where cricket skills don't matter."

025

While following the IPL on TV, the fan who wishes to avoid health problems such as rising blood pressure and high acidity must learn to tolerate and accept ridiculous suggestions, such as "Preity understands cricket", "The IPL is popular all over the world", and "Look, a blimp."