'Hip-hop music in a Miami cab. Welcome to the States'

Mercifully this kind of thing…

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Appears to have finally come to an end.

No longer do we have to endure Kevin Pietersen's "party" lifestyle. Hurray!

Now we have to endure his wholesome lifestyle.

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Whatever he's doing, he's doing it to a greater extent than you are. That's probably what we're meant to conclude from all of this.

Just wait until he discovers lounging around watching TV. The sofa will cave under his relentless presence. The empty pizza boxes will tower above him…

He hasn't even been banging on about coffee. We've had to head to the Test Match Special commentary box for our obligatory coffee tweet.

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When not working on TMS, James Taylor has been having an even more productive time than KP.

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He has been providing valuable information too actually. A lesson for all wannabe birds/aeroplanes: lemons make a perfectly serviceable alternative to wings… apparently.

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We may have misunderstood that.

Taylor's former team-mate Graeme Swann has been putting his time to good use too. And he's got even greater ambitions for the future.

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If he was eating one meal a day, drinking juice and training like a mofo, he wouldn't even need to grow that much.

Hashim Amla has been asking the difficult questions.

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Some questions are best left unasked. "They" don't want you to know the answer to that, Hashim. They don't want anyone to know the truth about wet outfield roping…

Umar Akmal's Twitter feed remains pretty much as you'd expect. Coming soon to a town near you: one man and his ever-present photographer.

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There's an outside chance he took this one himself.

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Don't give us the #brightsunnyday excuse, Umar. We know you wear sunglasses every day of your life, indoors and outdoors, rain or shine. We know this because we've seen the photographic evidence.

When it comes to selfies, everyone else at least limits themselves to transport. What is it with cricketers? As soon as they're in motion, they have this irresistible urge to photograph themselves.

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