Why Pakistan will win the World Cup
Because they have 12 awesome dudes to do it. Including a hustler, a mentalist, a sniper and a cockroach
Has hustled the entire world into thinking he is either a cheat or incompetent or both. It is all part of a four-and-a-half year masterstroke by the PCB and Kamran himself. For he is still there and he will make the World Cup and he will remind the world just how good we thought he was going to be back in early 2006.
This man has survived a torrential storm of abuse from Shahid Afridi and come out alive. That takes some spunk, so no wonder he is now Pakistan's most reliable batsman. For those who don't get the reference, and who are over 18, type "afridi hafeez" in Youtube.
This Khan is just pissed off that the best cricketer called Khan in the world right now is, apparently, an Indian. Oh dear, cricket world. You've said it now. Younis is a nice man, a wonderful man, the best of men, but some things cannot be forgiven.
This spot might ultimately be taken by one of the young guns - perhaps Asad Shafiq or Azhar Ali. But I want to see Misbah there. The Quiet Man of Pakistani cricket just broke his voice with the Test captaincy. No more last-ball scoop-sweeps. It'll be over well before then as Misbah combines MBA-trained calculation with straight drives over long-off. Inshallah.
I once thought him the new Viv Richards. I still do. Maybe I shouldn't drink so much and listen to all that psychedelic reggae.
This mentalist plays well in India. Maybe it's the flat tracks, maybe the Indian actresses in the hotel lobbies, maybe it's the water and how it poofs his hair just right. Who cares? In India he is going to clear up because he always does.
Razzaq is the sniper of Pakistan cricket. He waits and waits (and we wait and wait) and then suddenly he kills the enemy general and wins the war. Opposition teams, with your plans and strategies and laptops, tell me this: what can you do about the killer you don't even see till he finishes you with a lethal blow?
A year ago everyone (at least all my cousins) said Saeed Ajmal was the best limited-overs spinner in the world. Now Rehman takes the slot. Oh, how much can change in a year. Admittedly Mike Hussey is the main reason for this changeover, but Rehman does look pretty decent.
Lahore has a new lion. Look at this guy prowl around, whether with bat or ball in hand. He has no discernible talent, and judging from the News of the World story, he is not a particularly discerning judge of character. It matters not. This man will be the star of the World Cup. You heard it here first. (You also must have heard that Page 2 is satire.)
I have to say I do not understand Gul. He takes this Pakistani thing of swaying from great to godawful to extreme lengths. So if it's the latter, Pakistan can bring in Sohail Tanvir, the man who is such a big swinger he should've been born in the sixties.
Like a cockroach, he never dies. Like a cockroach, he will crawl all over the subcontinent making tough men back away like little girls, and then he will scamper around in limb-stretched celebration.
I have it on good authority that Shafiq is the most promising water-carrier since Didier Deschamps. In a hot subcontinental March, this will be the difference between dry-lipped gazes at the cup from a distance and drinking from it greedily, tasting the sweet nectar of victory, and awaking fresh from a five-year nightmare.
Imran Yusuf is a writer who takes guard on middle and off