Fans outraged at Tendulkar's exclusion from 100 Best Novels list

With Sachin Tendulkar having an absolutely brilliant year in Tests and ODIs, scoring bucketloads of runs and bagging the ICC Cricketer of the Year award, his millions of fans have had plenty of reasons to celebrate. However, they may have taken their enthusiasm a little too far when many of them vocally expressed their annoyance at Tendulkar's rather reasonable exclusion from Time magazine's list of Top 100 English Novels of All Time.

"Any Top-100 list without Sachin is not a valid list. Who are these people to decide that Sachin is not even among the top 100? It's a racist conspiracy against India!" screamed an angry fan, conveniently ignoring the crucial and indisputable fact that Tendulkar isn't a hardcover (or a handy paperback, for that matter).

Tendulkar fans all over India have started expressing their anguish - leaving angry comments on sundry websites (many of which are completely unrelated to the issue), recycling Rajnikanth facts (which are themselves recycled from Chuck Norris facts; the whole thing is like those crappy wedding presents which keep getting forward-gifted until they go around the world and eventually return to the original gifter) on Twitter as "Tendulkar facts", and spending several hours in heated arguments that eventually collapse into a meaningless sludge of half-remembered statistics, selective biases and a general consensus over the uselessness of Ravindra Jadeja.

"What is the batting average of Neuromancer? Has One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest ever scored a double-century in ODIs?" said a spokesman for Sachin Tendulkar United Partisans of India and Damascus, a particularly vocal group of fans. "It's clear to even the most casual of cricket fans that Sachin is far better than any of these stupid books which haven't played a day's cricket in their lives. In fact, the little master should be at No. 1 on this list."

Indian TV channels have done their bit to fuel the controversy, hosting a variety of discussion panels with topics like "Should Tendulkar Be Given Official Status as a Work of Literature?", "Sachin: Batsman, Novel, God" and "Lies. Racism. Toffee. Hummingbirds... er, what were we discussing?" Oddly most of these panels predominantly feature people who have little or no knowledge of cricket, such as Mandira Bedi, John Abraham and Boria Majumdar.

However, experts agree that there is nothing surprising about this outpouring of public outrage, saying that Tendulkar's fans tend to scan virtually any published list for Sachin's name, and feel disappointed, hurt and angry if he isn't included - even if the list happens to be titled Wales All-Time Rugby XI, Top Ten Gaming Laptops, or This Week's Grocery Shopping''.

Indeed, the clamour for Sachin's inclusion on the Top 100 Novels list has raised the larger question of whether society needs to break down the barriers between books and cricketers.

"I look forward to the day when cricket players and novels can walk shoulder to shoulder, without being discriminated against because of their averages, strike rates, page numbers or maximum retail price. A day when Sachin Tendulkar can proudly claim his place as one of the greatest novels in history, and The Lord of The Rings can be selected as an opening batsman for India. Or perhaps for New Zealand," said an emotional Shilpa Shetty, pleased to have the opportunity to make ridiculous comments about cricket once again.

Tendulkar himself has displayed his characteristic composure and grace amidst all the brouhaha. "Top 100 Books? Heh. As long as I'm not being included in the Top 100 Bookies, I'm fine with anything," he winked.