"Water is life, and this pitch is slowly dying."

Bruce Yardley gets scientific, y'all

"This time there's no kiss for the leg stump, but there's a miss,"

Sunil Gavaskar wants a piece of the rhyme action

"...That's Kool and the Gang"

Ramiz Raja is seized by a paroxysm of disco-inflected wit as he introduces the presentation party at the third Pakistan-New Zealand ODI, among them many worthies from the Cool & Cool company

"Chacha doing a bit of cha cha"

Ramiz Raja, watching the Pakistan cheerleader mascot Chacha Cricket, is moved to doggerel

"They have turned their cars, their camels, back and are coming back to watch"

Jeremy Coney accounts for societal differences while describing the effects of the epic last-wicket partnership in the third Pakistan-New Zealand ODI

"Mohammad Yousuf strikes me as the sort of man who'd never run for a train. [He'd] rather miss it"

The astute Jeremy Coney deduces rather a lot from watching a Pakistani batsman on the field

"The same delivery over and over again - the full-toss, wide outside off stump. Makes me sound like a parrot."

L Sivaramakrishnan fears Shane Watson's death overs bowling is having a poor influence on his commentary

"That's huge... from Hughes."

Ravi Shastri muscles in on the poetry action

"Nannes again, with that rolling gait... he has this elastic, sinewy quality"

Jeremy Coney indulges in a spot of in-depth physiological analysis

"How well he has done... the shining knight on a white horse."

Put your dark glasses on, lest you be blinded by the incandescent imagery of Allan Wilkins