"We're continuing our investigations, and when we find who did it we are stringing them up by his ding-dang-doos and we're chopping them off."
Well done Matthew Hoggard for treating meaningless drivel with the approach it deserves. He was reacting to the "leaked" battle plan for the England bowlers
"We never imagined this fat, podgy kid ... would end up as one of the world's best bowlers."
Bill Lawry on Victoria's favourite son, Shane Warne
"When me and Lamby were playing we weren't to be seen done up like a couple of pox-doctors' clerks prancing about. No way!"
Ian Botham lashes out at cricketers taking part in dance competitions, after Darren Gough and Mark Ramprakash were crowned successive champions on Strictly Come Dancing
"For a few mad seconds I thought, mates or not, I'm never going to speak to that dickhead again."
Kevin Pietersen on his on-field exchange with Shane Warne
"Like our England have Fart of the Day, South Australia have Muff of the Day."
An unusual innovation in women's cricket, as revealed by England's Jenny Gunn
"I know the sport is huge here. I follow it myself."
Tennis world No. 1 Roger Federer after playing cricket at a shelter camp for tsunami refugees in Sri Lanka. Federer's mother is South African
"I am starting to breathe again after the swell of the last two hours. I'll have a few drinks and a few smokes afterwards, and take it from there."
Shane Warne during his retirement announcement
"When I told my children I was retiring, they got a bit disappointed because they didn't think I was going to play backyard cricket with them. They said, 'Can you still play with us?' I said 'I can'."
Shane Warne hasn't given up all forms of cricket, at least
"He's not that good. He tends to just start with a four-letter word and then says a load of nonsense."
Mark Taylor on whether Warne is one of the best sledgers ever
"We hope the white ball is clearer to see."
Stephen Fleming hopes for better fortunes in the one-dayers for his side, especially against Lasith Malinga, whose round-arm action with the red ball continues to baffle them
"From our point of view the people criticising now are the ones who run with the foxes and hunt with the hounds. All we can do is run with the fox."
Duncan Fletcher tries to explain the problems of selection after England's Ashes series loss
"Mate, unbelievable. Australia, you bloody beauty! Sensational!"
Matthew Hayden tries to put into words what regaining the Ashes means - with limited success
"He carried on like a small child whose mother would have smacked him."
Geoff Boycott on Shane Warne's histrionics after an appeal against Kevin Pietersen was (rightly) turned down
"They didn't even read it. They are all biased. There is no misappropriation. It is only their misinterpretation."
An angry Jagmohan Dalmiya after he was expelled from the BCCI. A 46-page report he submitted in his defence was not even read before the decision was taken
"Jones was pathetic. His mental attitude to Test-match cricket at the moment is shocking. He's just getting out in some ridiculous ways."
Geoff Boycott, no big fan of Geraint Jones, says what many others in England have been thinking in recent days
"Get me out of here as soon as you can."
A sotto voce Andrew Flintoff is caught on tape talking to the ECB Media officer Andrew Walpole, ahead of the captain's pre-match press conference at the WACA
"I am not Shane Warne or Muttiah Muralitharan, but what I can promise is that I will try my very best for England."
Monty Panesar looks to play down media expectations ahead of the Perth Test
"My best assessment would be, 'What a joke!' I signed up for 'priority' ticketing and have nothing. The whole Australian Cricket Family exercise has been useless."
Fan Grant Hutchinson highlights problems with Cricket Australia's sale of tickets for the Ashes
"You can't bring it back ... it's gone. I'll just spend the next 20 years worrying about it."
Ashley Giles won't be forgetting his spilled chance off Ricky Ponting in a hurry
"Shane Warne sounds like he is constipated."
Dean du Plessis, a blind commentator in Zimbabwe, explains how he knows when Warne is bowling