World's worst Test side in for another drubbing?

Centurion: It says little for the image of Nasser Hussain's England tourists who arrive in South Africa today with the label as the world's worst Test side tied around his neck and heading for another drubbing by a cocky South Africa.

Then again, depending on your viewpoint, the image of England's other tourists, the notorious ``Barmy Army'', are seen as a bunch of louts who are either shown the door at the first opportunity by officialdom, or tolerated as would be any noisy neighbour set on throwing a party until dawn.

Either way, both are bound to attract a variety of attention, some of it, depending on the performances of the players could be as scornful as that heaped on the odourus rag and bone trade.

The first batch of the ``Barmy Army'' to arrive is being put on hold for a few days, at least until the game against the combined Western Province/Boland side at Newlands from November 5, by which time Hussain will have hoped his side would have settled in and starting to show some sort of early tour form.

Hussain is not the first India-born captain to lead a side on as important an expedition as this particular one: Douglas Jardine (the Australia Bodyline tour of 1932/33) and Colin Cowdrey (West Indies 1967/68) were notable for their success.

It would be interesting to see, by mid-February, what mould Hussain has been cast into. In England they are already discussing an orderly retreat and the first shots of the series are still some five weeks off, which says little for confidence.

Four years ago, under Mike Atherton's leadership and Ray Illingworth's dogmatic supremo style of management the big worry in the camp was the ability of their bowlers to do anything more useful than fire off a few pop-gun shots. With Devon Malcolm failing, the attack was disjointed.

This time around it is arguably the best assembled in the 1990s. Which is far more than can be said about the batting. It has been pointed out often enough during the Test series against New Zealand that the last time England had achieved a first innings lead was at Edgbaston against South Africa. It is a statistic which sticks like a craw in Team England's ego, but that was some 15 Tests ago.

If you listen carefully enough to Hussain, however, this tour will see the turn around and England will start winning matches again. What he did not say, however, was what recipe coach Duncan Fletcher had in mind to turn over the problem and that England were on a new mission.

No one has bravely suggested that for England to overcome such first innings setbacks they need to bat with more ability than they showed against New Zealand.

If England are to become serious contenders over the next four months they first need to build match-winning totals and an innings of less than say 350 spells gloom. Their recent record, against sides much lower than South Africa smacks of a lack of competence and respectability.

It is a problem which offers the new Team England stewardship of Hussain and Fletcher the sort of challenge they need to tackle with serious intent if England are not to follow the dreary path of the West Indies and become the second side in as many summers to drown in a pool of acrimony after a 5-0 drubbing.

England's management are hoping that Fletcher's local knowledge of players and conditions will help rid the side of the ``poor losers'' image. Fletcher is going to be under serious pressure throughout the series and the first sign of weakness will place an immediate strain on the team's morale.

Not that South Africa are sailing smoothly in their own choppy waters. For one thing, the Hansie Cronje captaincy issue has yet to be settled and the UK press made much of the rift between the team and the selectors when the probation story first surfaced back in August.

Much has already been made of the threat posed by the pace combination of Allan Donald and Shaun Pollock with the swing of Jacques Kallis adding to the tourists' batting discomfort. There is a question mark, too, about Donald's future should his ankle injury reoccur and his fitness is going to be carefully watched.

Favouring South Africa though is the depth in all-round ability which allows the selectors to call on any number of all-rounders and can see South Africa calling on 11 players who have all scored a first-class century or two.

England's batting, however, has become the sort of joke you hear about on a family ``sitcom'' show when the explanation for continual failure is put down to having that rare ability to ``showing the spine of an amoeba'' and mixed coaching theories used in an outdated county system.

Nasser Hussain (capt), 31, Tests 42, Chris Adams 29, no Tests, Mike Atherton 31, Tests 90, Mark Butcher, 27 Tests 22, Andy Caddick 30, Tests 25, Andrew Flintoff 21, Tests 2, Darren Gough 28, Tests 31, Gavin Hamilton 24, no Tests, Dean Headley 29, Tests 15, Darren Maddy 25, Tests 1, Alan Mullally 30, Tests 16, Chris Read 21, Tests 3, Alec Stewart 36, Tests 90, Graeme Swann 22, no Tests, Alex Tudor 21, Tests 3, Phil Tuffnell 33, Tests 38, Michael Vaughan 24, no Tests

Nov 1: FO XI, Randjesfontein
Nov 2: Easterns, Benoni
Nov 5-8: WP/Boland, Cape Town
Nov 12-15: Free State/Griquas, Bloemfontein
Nov 18-21: Northerns/Gauteng, Centurion
Nov 25-29 First Test, Johannesburg
Dec 1: Gauteng In XI, Lenasia
Dec 3-6: Natal, Durban
Dec 9-13 Second Test, Port Elizabeth
Dec 16: Border/EP XI, Alice
Dec 18-21: Border/EP, East London
Dec 26-30: Third Test, Durban
Jan 2-6: Fourth Test, Cape Town
Jan 9-11 SA Invitation XI, Port Elizabeth
Jan 14-18 Fifth Test, Centurion
Jan 21-Feb 12: Triangular limited overs series South Africa, England, Zimbabwe