Postcard (7 May 1999)

7 May 1999

Postcard

from Justin Langer

Slips fielding in England a dangerous occupation

Although I wasn't laughing at Warney, I had to laugh with him, when I saw his reaction to taking a catch in the slips off Damien Fleming against Glamorgan today. Arguably the worst part of playing cricket in the UK is the cold weather. There is nothing worse than fielding in the cold, English frosty air, let alone fielding in the slips in the cold, English frosty air. Even the most enthusiastic of fieldsmen find it hard to find motivation for early season fielding in this country.

If you can imagine, a fast bowler comes roaring into bowl a brand new hard cricket ball, and all you can think about is please, please don't come to me little ball. Your hands are so could they feel like they could snap off like a frozen snow pea, and when the ball hits them they sting like a headmasters cane slapping your backside.

Last summer my first presentation from my new club Middlesex was a 'beanie' for my head and ears, and a pack of magic hand warming socks, an invention which has become my best friend in this English weather. Who ever invented this device is a bloody marvel!

It works like a heat pack sitting in your pocket. The more you touch it, the hotter it gets and the warmer your ice-block hands become. In fact, it acts by thawing out your fingers, not dissimilar to wrapping your hands around a hot cup of nana's pea and ham soup at the footy. These things provide a fantastic relief, especially when standing in the slips.

'Mr Handwarmer' inventor, whatever his name is, should be inducted into cricket's hall of fame. If it wasn't for his invention I am sure a lot of cricketers would fake an injury until June or July when the sun decides to show its pretty face. All he has to do now is invent something that keeps your inside thigh and backside warm when you're batting. If your fingers don't hurt enough, like Warney's did today, you should feel the pain of a cricket ball thumping into a cold inside thigh, or flicking your 'bum' on its way through to the keeper. Just thinking about it sends grimaces through my hesitant brain.

As soon as I saw Warney's reaction, I rang the boys to tell them about my discovery. If you see the good guys with their hands in their pockets while they are fielding in the next few weeks, don't be disturbed. It won't be that they are being lazy, it is just that they will have their fingers wrapped around a magical hand warmer, or thawer.

It was a shame about the rain at Cardiff today, as the guys will be desperate to kick off their preparations. These practice games will be very important in the overall scheme of this World Cup as the winning habit is desperately sought.

From London, JL