Ashes, lifeboats and ghosts

© Marstons

The wheels on the bus The simmering discontent felt by Shane Warne towards John Buchanan, Australia's departing and unconventional coach, again took centre stage this week when Warne, speaking to the media to promote his new book, took swipes at the recent boot camp as well as Buchanan's role (for the second time in a fortnight). "I'm a big believer that the coach is something you travel in to get to and from the game," he quipped. That irked Ricky Ponting back in Malaysia, who had others things on his mind anyway after being hauled over the coals by the match referee and Cricket Australia for challenging an umpire's decision. Hardly the best preparation for Australia's forthcoming challenges ... oh, and Glenn McGrath's much-awaited comeback started with four wides in his first ten-ball over.

In affectionate remembrance For two decades English newspaper and magazine readers have had to grin and tolerate "amusing" advertisements, mainly from Australian lager producers, ahead of Ashes series taking what they fill their cans and bottles with out of the English XI. Now the boot is on the other foot, as this week Burton-upon-Trent brewers Marstons took out a series of ads in the Aussie press recreating the famous 1882 obituary which started the whole Ashes legend. Cheers.

Waving not drowning Cricket has been played in some odd places - the north pole, on frozen lakes, even on the stage of a London theatre - but few odder (and less advisable) than a sandbank in Scotland's Moray Firth that has not been above water since freak tidal conditions in 1920. Four brave/mad souls decided to recreate a match that legend has it was played on that occasion and rowed out to the spot. When the sodden clump surfaced, they set up a makeshift wicket, with a teddy bear for a wicketkeeper, and began playing. "The pitch was waterlogged and, unfortunately, as the wicket had been covered for 80 years, it didn't take spin very well," said 19-year-old Olivia Robinson. "But we bowled a few balls and mum was out for a duck." Unfortunately, their enthusiastic celebrations were mistaken by a member of public on the shore more than a mile away as signals for help and the coastguard were summoned. "We had received a report that there were people in trouble on the sand-bar," said a coastguard spokesman. "Cricket was not an explanation that immediately sprang to mind."

Kevin Pietersen: discerning with his endorsements © Freud Communications

Mr Sandman The wonderful satirical magazine Private Eye notes that in a recent Q&A session for The Guardian, Kevin Pietersen was asked where he would most like to live. "I love living in London but I would like to buy a place in Dubai and spend a few months of the year out there," he gushed. It is almost certainly entirely coincidental, but in July Pietersen was unveiled as "celebrity ambassador" for Dubai Properties.

Ghost writers in the sky One by-product of England's Ashes success in 2005 has been a resurgence in ghosted autobiographies from leading players - usually the domain of B-list celebrities and footballers (and on that subject, give a wide berth to Ashley Cole's self-justifying dirge on his time at Arsenal!). After last autumn's avalanche of Ashes-related books to cash in on the Christmas market, we have now been hit with a second wave to cash in on this winter's series. The leaders are Pietersen's exposé on his life and times with England (all 18 months of it) and Andrew Strauss's own tome (subtitled "My life in Test cricket" which must really struggle to cram in everything that has happened since he made his debut 28 months ago). Those two are veterans, however, compared to Monty Panesar who, according to reports in the papers this weekend, is set to be paid 250,000 pounds for his story after a bidding war between publishers. Panesar made the first of his 10 Test appearances as long ago as March.

Graeme Smith: a picture speaks a thousand words © Getty Images

Alone again ... Graeme Smith has plenty of time on his hands when on tour with South Africa, if Pietersen is to be believed. "I thought he was a muppet from the word go," writes KP (or rather his ghost). "He's a bloke who needs the game but he hasn't got many friends in it." That could explain why this week Smith told an Indian newspaper than he was "an avid fan of Bollywood films when in India." The only trouble was he added: "I don't quite understand the language." Makes for a fun evening in with a club sandwich from room service.

Out of Africa We at Cricinfo are used to abuse for what we write. Often, the criticism is justified and some of the attacks even come from outside the office. But even we were surprised this week when a so-called sports journalist at a leading Kenyan national newspaper contacted us to complain about comments made regarding his country's cricket. A fairly formal email exchange with the aforementioned scribe ended when he was asked to explain why he continued to insist that the old regime inside Kenya - the one that almost bankrupted the game and which ended in a national players' strike and international isolation - was so good for the game. "I have no time for holier-than-thou Brits like you who imagine you have all the solutions to our problems when you are manifestly very ignorant about the problems facing Kenyan cricket," he spluttered. "So just go **** yourself inside out." A compelling, intelligent and pithy counter.